Parenting, how hard could it be…?
When you had kids I bet you didn’t think it would be this hard. You heard it was hard but how hard could it be? You have a baby and it is the most joy you have ever felt, but also your entire world is flipped on its head. And then they become toddlers and oh boy the emotional turbulence is just starting. Ok so now your kid is school aged, a tween and then a teenager and things are still hard just in more complicated ways. And then parents you might think, ok just got to get them through high school graduation and then I’m done. (And college application process, geez how did it get this competitive!?) But guess what, they will come back to live with you because it is unaffordable to live on their own these days. I think you get my point, parenting is hard and every stage poses its own set of unique challenges. And it is just not possible to understand how hard it is until you are in it. Parenting these amazing humans in your life can throw you curveballs you never would have anticipated.
The word hard takes on a new meaning when it comes to helping your kids with their emotions. Kids have an uncanny way of forcing us parents to face our own emotional baggage, don’t they? I bet this is not something you knew you were signing up for when you had your first baby either. Kids’ emotions can feel like roller coasters and there is no better trigger for a parent’s own emotional roller coaster than our kids’ emotions. Believe me I've been there, I get it! I went through a time when I didn’t even recognize myself. Where is this “mean yelling mommy” coming from?!
Ultimately parents we need to remember that our emotions and our child’s emotions are separate. It is not your job to protect your child from her negative emotions. In fact, some might argue that it is your job to help her navigate these emotional roller coasters. Negative emotions are just as important to express as positive ones, except yes they are much harder to empathize with! So hold on tight and let your child let those emotions out, in a safe way of course. Knowing that you are right there next to him and you have his back will only teach emotional intelligence and strengthen your parent-child relationship. If you are reading this blog, my guess is that is pretty important to you.
When your kid starts to lose it, remind yourself you are a good parent, a good person and that you can be ok even when your kid is not ok. Now sit with your child, don’t talk and let them emote while you breathe and remember these key points.
Disclaimer: Seeking help from a professional is a great option if you are struggling to stay calm for your child. www.psychologytoday.com is a great resource to find a good match.
